One step, two step, three step, three step, three step, three step.

Life has become such a routine. Such an unbearable and almost never ending set of mundane rituals that I perform because society as a majority has set standards that one must follow in order to be perceived as proactive, successful or content. I have lost the interest in the world around me because I am too focused on my faults and the almost stifling hustle of every day life. One could proport that I am just young and finding myself and that everyone wanders throughout life a bit before finding their niche but I dont feel as though I’m wandering because I have nowhere good or happy or fulfilling within my psyche. And if our mind is the sole haven of emotion and decision and it is devoid of a place of peace, Will I continue to just aimlessly trudge through this daily “routine” of sorts forever? Is there a place where individuality, creativity and personal satisfaction can be found amongst the jumble of thoughts i have pertaining to my loneliness, lack of integrity and overall malaise I cant seem to shake. My mind is constantly plagued by powerless feelings to the inevitability of what I have allowed my mind to degrade down to. Without a thriving conscious, a catalyst in which not only to pursue but to achieve our personal goals, I am faced with the same question that berates my brain and rings through my ears “Will I lumber forever feeling so worthless and unaccomplished?” One is resigned to such despondency and depression because these thoughts and questions are a constant swarm of cycles that lead to nowhere except to make my brain feel as though it is a jar full of marbles being shook mercilessly, its thoughts all clashing and wearing down upon my mental well-being. I need someone, something , anything to stop the rush of anxieties I feel constantly toward my exsistence so that I can stop marching in step through a life of routine emptiness and instead experience the world for what I deserve and imagine it should be.

-Sean-